A Shameless Need
by emillywinter
Summary: After an entire day of unsuccessful masturbation, and with his shameless need unfulfilled, Izaya is desperate enough to ask some questions on the Dollars chat room. And, when it doesn't work he gives in and comes up with another plan. He makes a video featuring his new toy and sends it to Shizuo.
1. Chapter 1

**A Shameless Need**

He is sitting in his expensive chair; a great view is behind his back. His computer monitor is providing enough light and the room is not entirely in the dark. Today is just another night when Kenra-chan types something on the Dollars chat page. The subject is interesting; and why wouldn't it be; after all, he came up with it.

He rereads the last line again. He stares at the monitor and wonders if he overdid it; but it was all the part of the plan, or he likes to think that it is. The line is simple but he isn't sure why he wrote it. Maybe he should rethink all of it. Still, he stares and waits. The clock painfully ticks and minutes pass.

He knows all of those people online. He knows that everyone is reading what he wrote; his sisters, Mikado, Kida, Celty... And, he knows that they know it's him; simple name of Kenra-chan does not mean that he is not who he is. So, he asks himself what they are thinking. And, he hopes that the monster will somehow hear about it. He knows that Ikebukuro's strongest doesn't use the Internet, his character doesn't really go well with delicate devises, and honestly, he understands that Shizuo does not have patience to sit and type. Shizu-chan has always been like that, almost like a barbarian from another time, but even Izaya can't deny the fact that in spite that, or even because of that, he somehow seams eternal.

So, Izaya looks again at the line and frowns a bit. He rereads the thing entirely and watches at few question marks that serve as Celty's answer. He looks at Mikado's "Are you all right, Kenra-chan?" and Kida's "Are you trolling us?". His sisters are silent and haven't written a thing. So, he still stares at his line. He wants to know if they would tell _him_ , but he bites his lip at the corner of his mouth and thinks that they will only see it as a prank.

He is desperate. Since that morning in the alley he couldn't came on his own. It was just after the chase, two bodies hard from adrenaline rush at the end of the street, behind the dumpster, without any way out. And, when the beast came rushing towards him, put a hand on Izaya's neck, full-strength on... And, when he felt the monster's breathing on his skin, his own increased. And, when those words left Shizuo's mouth, so close to him, almost touching him, he was already hard and desperate. So, when a monster said in that rough voice of his that Izaya is fucked and that he could do, will do anything to him... he was already leaking. When fingers tightened on his neck pushing him to the wall and Shizuo's body was right in front of his, moving in order to pin him, just slightly pushing, Izaya came in his pants. The worst thing was the fact the monster had seen through him and with one simple "disgusting" left the scene.

So, Izaya came home with his pants and his underwear wet as if he was a school boy at his first party. And, when after a few hours he was again painfully hard, and when a cold shower and images of Shinra couldn't make it go away, he swallowed his pride and started jerking himself with all his might.

He tried the usual routine, and when it didn't work he even played some videos. He tried with straight porn, with threesome, with gay porn, with everything. And, when the videos haven't worked, he swallowed his pride even more and thought of the monster. He tried to imagine giving Shizu-chan the dose of his own medicine. He tried to think how good it would feel to fuck the other's hole until the both of them could not move anymore. His dick was painfully hard for hours but even that haven't work.

So, when he decided that he was desperate enough to buy some toys online and when those toys have been delivered, after only two hours, he had chickened out with a first sight of the pink vibrator. He wasn't sure why he didn't go with the black one; maybe then it would be easier to put the thing into his ass.

So, he sits at his expensive chair, with the beautiful view of city lights behind his back. His room is barely lit; he stares in his monitor screen; and, the pink vibrator and the lube are next to him. He wanders was it a mistake that he typed: _The pink vibrator is next to me. I am scared to try it. I want to think that it is Shizuo Heiwajima's cock and that it's fucking me. What should I do?_


	2. Chapter 2

The clock ticks and it's now two in the morning. Izaya moved into his bedroom few hours ago; but, the sleep does not come. He tries changing the position, and he rolls on his fine black sheets. First he lies on his back, then on his side, and finally, he lies on his stomach, just so he can turn around to lie on his back again.

He would say that he doesn't know why the sleep hasn't taken him, but that would be a lie. He is still painfully hard and a bit worried that his dick will fall off. After asking for advice on Dollars chat room and not receiving a proper answer he isn't sure what to do. He doesn't want to be a chicken and he argues that everyone is a bit of a coward. However, somewhere in his mind he understands that it is a lie because he knows at least one monster who isn't scared of anything.

He also realizes that if he doesn't go with it Shizuo will be a better man then he is; and, he can't live with that. So, he slowly gets up and goes downstairs where the pink vibrator and the lube are waiting for him, on the same place at his work table, where he had left them.

He takes the items in his hands and runs back on the stairs into his bedroom. Next, he shots the door behind him. Even if he knows that he lives alone he still somehow has the feeling that he would be seen. Good forbid that someone sees his efforts to come; or even worse, film everything. The tape would be worth millions. And, if his delusions do not acknowledge the fact that he would be the one paying those millions it doesn't really matter. He already has another thing planned up. So, he takes his camera that he often uses to spy the monster and sets up everything. He isn't sure if he would turn out hot on the tape; but, if that doesn't happen he will just film the whole thing all over again. After all, the night is young and there are four hours until the dawn.

He takes his sleeping clothes and his underwear off in the only corner of the room that is not caught by the camera and moves towards the bed; lube in his left and the vibrator in his right hand. He lies again and shifts his legs open so the camera can catch everything.

He opens the lube and his fingers are a bit shaky but considering the fact that the room is almost dark, he believes that it won't be seen as fear but the excitement. With that, he proceeds.

He squeezes the tube a bit too hard and its contents stain the bed sheets. He tries not to think about his silky sheets that will need to be washed because he will just make Namie do that. The most of the lube is in his hand anyway and he quickly decides to move on with everything; and, in the next second he is already smearing up the lube on the surface of the vibrator.

He hasn't done this ever before and his only experience is in the form of porn that he watched. So, he puts the vibrator near his hole and tries to push it in but it doesn't go well. It just hurts and it is very awkward.

Izaya believes that it won't go in because it is not turned on so he does that. There are ten deferent speeds on it and he decides to go with the first one just to do it quicker. He moves the vibrator down once again and tries to put it inside. He isn't sure why it doesn't work but he believes that it has something to do with the fact that it has six cm in the girth.

At this particular moment he is cursing the beast again. After all, it is the monster's fault that he needed to do this in the first place; not to mention the fact that he ordered this particular model because it is just as big as he believes Shizuo's cock is. To him it is logical: it is only fair to assume that the monster has a monstrous dick.

He takes a breath and squeezes the lube again. He puts more of it on his hand and coats his fingers. He will try small; just one finger at the time.

He remembers the size of the things that came out of his ass and argues that if something that big can come out – something that big can go in. He just needs to take things slow.

So, his first finger goes down, pushes through the entrance, and goes in. It still is mostly awkward, but he can feel the softness inside and wonders if Shizuo's ass is just as soft as his own. He also wanders how it would feel to put his dick inside. But he already knows that it would be so nice, so warm, and so tight that he is eager to proceed. He moves his finger a bit deeper and the feeling is somehow unnatural. He is also a bit scared that he will shit himself. He moves it slowly in and out and thinks that it can't happen because there are a million people who like being fucked in the ass.

Izaya feels better after that; and, he takes out his finger only to put the two of them inside. It hurts more but they go in; and, he is amazed by the fact that he succeeded. He moves them up and down, slowly at first; but then, he pushes harder, faster. He needs to make a room inside for the pink toy; so Shizuo could...

He closes his eyes and starts to imagine that Shizuo is here. In his mind his own fingers become a bit bigger, more calloused. _Yes, it goes better if he imagines that the beast is doing this to him_. So, he calls the monster's name out loud.

Izaya moves his fingers a few more times and by the time they slide in and out of him more easily he is so turned on by the fact that Shizu-chan is "doing this" to him that he starts to enjoy the whole thing.

When he moves his hand away he feels a bit empty; his body already used to fingers so mach that it doesn't feel right without them. So, he coats the vibrator with the lube once again, just in case, and for the third time that night he tries to put the thing inside himself.

It goes much better but it still hurts. The size of the thing is so close to what he imagines Shizuo is that he pushes it harder until it breaches the first line of defense that his body has. He is vaguely aware that Shizuo would to it harder; so, he pushes as hard as he can until the only part of the toy that stick out is the on and off switch.

Izaya is not sure who screamed in his empty apartment but he likes to believe that that scream hasn't come out of his mouth. He is sweaty and sticky from the lube and from the effort not to take the thing out and to throw it away through the window right at some unlucky bastard's head.

It hurts so much that he needs to open his eyes again just to see that he hasn't mistaken the thing with one of his knifes. Bit no; the pink thing just barely sticks out of his asshole and he looks at the camera and forces the crooked smile on his face. His cheeks are red and his eyes are so vivid that he doesn't look like he usually does. However, he can't see it and he thinks that when Shizuo watches the tape, Shizuo won't see it either.

"The things that I do for you Shizu-chan..."

And, his voice is all different; low and strained.

Izaya feels the vibration inside him. And, if it feels like he put a mobile phone inside himself, he doesn't voice it out loud.

He closes his eyes again and moves one of his hands on his dick. It is still hard and he is amazed that all this pain did nothing to erase it. Now, he is glad that he didn't try hurting himself so he can get rid of the persistent erection.

With one hand on his dick and the other on the end of the toy he tries to find the rhythm. It goes slowly and he breathes so hard that he thinks that he will suffocate if he doesn't open his mouth. When he does that, the moan leaves him and he sounds like a prostitute from Shinjuku station.

He traces the lines of his dick once again; moves fingers on the top of the cock and feels wetness. In the heat of the moment he thinks about Shizuo's dick and wanders what it would taste like; so, when he moves fingers towards his mouth and licks them he thinks about the monster and his cock.

"So tasty, Shizu-chan."

His tongue is out of his mouth and it is circling around fingers wanting to take every bit of the pearly thing. He moans again and he stops being ashamed. The entire thing that he does is "perfectly normal" and there is not "anything wrong" with him.

His other hand is gripping the vibrator a bit harder and he tries to push it out and shove it back in.

He imagines Shizuo inside him. He can almost see that golden hair and starry eyes looking at him. And, he moans his enemy's name again.

 _Shizuo would do it harder_ – Izaya thinks and without any mercy he does everything faster.

The images are forming inside his mind: _Shizuo wetting his lips; Shizuo's strong arms on his neck; Shizuo's voice near his ear; Shizuo inside him; Shizuo taking him; Shizuo ripping his clothes off and touching himself while thinking about Izaya; Shizuo jerking off while watching Izaya; Shizuo...; Shizuo's hard cock slamming inside him..._

And he isn't sure anymore what comes out of his mouth as he is jamming the thing harder and moving his other hand faster... He is vaguely aware that he calls Shizuo's name and it sounds like he is screaming into the thin air for Shizuo to fuck him harder, to give it to him, to hurt him, to have him... The half of the other things that left his mouth is the combination of the foulest curses and greatest prayers.

The images of Shizuo are so vivid that he is almost sure that the beast is ravaging him, taking him. So, the heat finally starts to form in his belly and, he is sure that orgasm is coming.

Izaya starts to scream, and his back is moving away from the sheets. His legs are shaking and his entire body is not much better. The heat is overflowing and he is coming; _oh my God, he is coming_.

Just a second, and he is pushed over the edge; his asshole contracting around the vibrator and his sperm is running wild through the air; staining the sheets, his hands, everything.

Izaya's heart beats so laud that he believes that he will have a heart attack and he is breathing even more difficult then before. He can't feel his legs, his arms; but, he somehow manages to take the wretched thing out and somehow, he stands up in order to turn the camera off.

Izaya isn't sure what left his mouth when he came; but, it was the strongest orgasm in his life so, he doesn't care. At the back of his mind he realizes that he can't wait for the real thing and even if his ass is hurting now, he is sure that it was all worth it. When Shizu-chan fucks him it will hurt even more but, he wants it harder then anything in his life.

After that, he falls onto the bad and sleep takes him. It is only two fifteen even if Izaya thinks that he has done this for hours.

* * *

The morning comes and with it the sound of Namie's steps. She finds him naked on the bed and she is so disgusted by that. Nevertheless, when he orders her to wash the sheets and to send a package to Ikebukuro she almost vomits. In comparison to this, seeing her boss naked is almost cute.


	3. Chapter 3

When he hears banging sounds and a voice that calls "Heiwajima-sama" at the door, he is not entirely sure what is happening. He is woken up by those sounds and milk is so far in the fridge. He can barely talk; but, he successfully lights a cigarette. When that first smoke is inhaled, he goes to open the door.

The delivery man is staring at him half scared - half standing still with obligation that his job entails him to posses. And, when Shizuo signs for the package, the men is already near the end of the hallway; signing sheet entirely forgotten.

The package is rather small, Shizuo notes and, very soon he concludes that his brother isn't sending him new uniforms. There is no name of the sender anywhere and, when he finally opens it, he finds a suspicious item in it.

It looks like someone has sent him a CD. If Kasuka hadn't given him a DVD player and carefully explained how to use it, he wouldn't be sure if he would know how to play it. But luckily for him (and for one dark haired info broker) Shizuo in a matter of minutes plays the thing.

His TV screen now shows a dark room with a bed put into the focus, and Shizuo isn't sure what this is about. He can barely notice the material of those black sheets when a figure comes into the focus without any clothes. It's a naked male on his TV screen and he is already in full blown rage because someone has thought that he is one of those men who likes other men in more then a friendly way. He isn't homophobic per se, but he wants to consider himself as a manly man; and, he doesn't want to have anything to do with stuff like this.

Few days ago he was in a situation that was wrong on so many levels that he is certain he will have nightmares many years to follow. That shitty flea had the guts to... _Oh God, he doesn't want to think about it_.

But, as soon as he sees the man's face looking at him from his TV screen, he is both disgusted again and scared shitlessly at his beating heart. It beats so fast that he thinks about calling Shinra about possible heart attack. He would do it; he would really do it; but, he can't take his eyes away from the TV screen.

He likes to think that this is the same as watching something gross that needs to be seen. But he isn't sure who is he lying because he knows that there is nothing gross in that white skin or in that eyes that are now so red and vivid, that he remembers the first time when he saw them.

He can barely persuade himself that hard dick between Izaya's thighs is the only gross thing. But, somehow deep inside, he knows that even though he should be grossed out by this picture he isn't.

Izaya is now on his back lying on those sheets that are almost black as his soul is; and, he is doing something with some tube and there is this pink thing that Shizuo doesn't want to acknowledge. His fingers are shaking and Shizuo isn't sure why flea is scared. The man is shaking like a twig on a windy day.

Some of the hand cream that he is using falls onto the sheets and Shizuo would laugh by the other man's clumsiness but something is stuck in his thought and he can only look as Izaya puts the cream onto the pink thingy. In the next second that thing is near his ass and Shizuo is sorry that his HD TV set is not more HD because he wants to see up close Izaya's most private part.

The look on Izaya's face is the look of hurt and Shizuo doesn't know why Izaya is doing what he is doing if it hurts. So, when Izaya squeezes the tube again and moves his fingers down to that little pinkish hole Shizuo notes that he is entirely hard.

He watches as the first finger goes down, pushes through the entrance, and goes in. Shizuo's eyes are so big that it is comical; but, not as much as his breathing is. He breaths almost like Darth Vader from that move that he watched as a kid.

He watches as Izaya takes his finger out just to put another inside. He moves them up and down, slowly at first; but then, he pushes harder, faster. Shizuo is now on the verge of a panic mode. His dick looks likes a tent because he is only wearing his sleeping pants and it would be so comfy if not for the need to rub himself so hard that his skin would be red.

Izaya coats the pink thingy with the hand cream once again and the thing goes inside him until it barely sticks out of his asshole; and, Izaya looks at the camera and forces the crooked smile on his face. His cheeks are red and his eyes are so vivid that he doesn't look like he usually does.

Shizuo can't believe that Izaya managed to put it in and now he wants nothing more than to bury himself up to the hilt into that little hole. Izaya is screaming but it doesn't sound like him, it's a bit soft and high-pitched and it almost sounds like a women's scream.

Again, Shizuo is not sure what the point in this is if it hurts; but, he isn't complaining; he got a first road tickets to a porn show after all. And, even if it is about a guy, and even if that guy is Izaya, he still isn't complaining. Don't get it wrong, he would still call this thing disgusting; but, that doesn't mean that he means it.

Izaya's voice is different; low and strained when he says: "The things that I do for you Shizu-chan..."

And, Shizuo gives up; he lowers his pants just to take away the pressure building inside him; just a little bit. He isn't going to touch himself; that would be awkward. He just wants to have a room so his dick can breathe.

Izaya now has one hand on his dick and the other on the end of the pink thingy. His hands move slowly and he breathes so hard that Shizuo thinks he will suffocate if he doesn't open his mouth. Still Shizuo thinks that he is breathing even harder.

When Izaya opens his mouth the moan leaves him and he sounds like a prostitute from Shinjuku station. In spite of that, Shizuo thinks that he hasn't heard anything in his entire life that sounds half as hot as this.

When Izaya moves his fingers towards the mouth, licks them, and says - "So tasty, Shizu-chan", Shizuo is having a small heart attack; or, he thinks he is having a small heart attack. There is a feeling inside his stomach that is so hot that it feels like he has been stricken by a lightening. It is like a tiny orgasm and his dick twitches a bit. He is not sure what is going to happen to him but he is sure that he won't move from this spot ever again.

Izaya's tongue is out of his mouth and it is circling around fingers wanting to take every bit of the pearly thing. He moans again and it is so hot that Shizuo is ashamed. Izaya's other hand is gripping the pink thing a bit harder and he tries to push it out and shove it back in. Shizuo wants so hard to be that thing; and he wants so hard just to shove himself inside. He imagines it would be so hot and soft and he hasn't noticed that he is now touching himself. His hand moved without his consent but it is so good just trying to imagine that his hand is something that belongs to Izaya.

Izaya is now moaning his name and Shizuo moves his hand a bit faster. Izaya's words echo through his apartment and he would be worried about the neighbors but he can only think about that low voice.

"Ah, Shizu-chan, fuck me harder... Come on, beast, ravage me. I want you to push it harder. Come on, give it to me... Ah, Shizuo, I want it harder... Oh, God... fuck, fuck me harder, brake me... Ah... more... Ah... fuck... Ah... Shizu-chan... I fucking want you to give me all you got. Come on, come inside me, it's so hot, it's made for you... Ah... give me yours everything... I want you... Oh God, I fucking love you..."

Izaya starts to scream, the curses and the "fuck-s" and "I love you-s" are coming; and Izaya's back is moving away from the sheets. His legs are shaking and his entire body is not much better. The heat is overflowing and he is coming.

Shizuo's hand is moving so hard and he takes Izaya's words as commands. He is moving his hand faster, he is doing everything harder. He will fuck that tiny place until Izaya can't stand anymore. Oh, God...

And, he isn't sure why he doesn't mind Izaya screaming that he loves him. It is normal, and he loves Izaya as well. He just wants to move a bit faster, a bit harder; he just wants to come in time with Izaya. And he is also screaming Izaya's name and he is saying something else. He is saying that he loves... he... oh, fuck... he is coming. He is pushed over the edge; his sperm is running wild staining his hand, and on the screen Izaya is coming as well.

And, Shizuo stairs at the figure on the screen, naked and bare without any masks, perfect. He can't feel his legs, his arms; but, he somehow recalls what he screamed and what Izaya have admitted. His cheeks are red; and, as Izaya is turning the camera off, Shizuo promises that he will see Izaya today. He likes to think that he will chase him, but he feels this shameless need that is telling him that he can't live without the other. Deep down he knows that as soon as he sees Izaya he will take him somewhere and fuck him until they both can't stand. After that, he will kiss him, and hug him, and make love with him again, because that is what you do with the people you love.


End file.
